End of summer lament

Today marks the end of summer.  Some.days I felt like the days were moving too slowly.  Today looking back it went way to fast. In a few days all three will be headed off to school.  I really hate the first few days of school.  I have to drop them off and try to watch them all the way into the school doors and get a little wave before the doors close.  I really love the expression on their face when they see I am one of the first ones in the line to pick them up.

It is hard sometimes at the end of the summer not to look back and wonder if I did a good.job being  a mom this time. Did I listen to every story without being distracted? Did I answer every question even.when it was asked more.than one time?

 Did I prepare my baby for her first year?

Have I taught.all of them how to determine right.from wrong before I send them back off into the real world?

Do I pray often enough for their protection while they are away from me? Do I pray daily for the friends they will make and their relationships?


There is never a way turn back the clock even though sometimes I wish I could.  Every day they are a day older.and closer to going into the world on their own.Every day is a day I could regret not spending time with them or I can determine to spend more of it with them.  I can pray more and worry less.  Listen more and do less...  open up my heart and share more...

There is that old saying that the two most important things we give our children is roots and wings.  I think that it is hard to know if you planted roots until you give them their.wings.  It's a slow process with baby steps and changing and growing along the way for all of us.  God wants us to give them wings.  He wants us to trust that we gave them HIM as their roots.

Thank God He does not leave us to do this alone...my God will never leave us or forsake us.
 (Hebrews 13:5)     He isn't going to leave my kids even when I am not around to help them make decisions or choose their friends.  He isn't going to forsake them when they miss me or have a bad day. He isn't going to let them out of his sight even when I cannot see them behind those doors. .I must claim this promise daily for my children and I must claim it for myself next week when I miss them like crazy!

Don't Blink...

Today was a perfect day.  The kids and I went to play mini golf and Brian met us on our lunch break.  Granted...one was upset because he lost and one was upset because he fell but all in all in a good time.

Then we ran errands together.  Just me and the kids.  Most times I try to do that on my own because I can do them "faster" without them.  But today I just slowed down and let them look.  We must have spent an hour or more in DICK'S.  Got to watch my little girl try on backpacks and model coats.  I got to watch my son look at a new bow and arrow that he is convinced he can use for hunting in the backyard!  Seriously...it was huge! Spent time with the third one who was a bit bored just sitting and watching the other two run around.  Listening to the conversations on the drive home.  Singing to the radio and adding silly words.  

and...that was it...just a simple day...not much too big but it made a perfect day.  

Now at home watching the littlest one with scraggly ratty hair play playdough and talk to it as if it were her friend.  Watch Bubs "hide" toy soldiers and then "find" them.  I played that game one day with him...now he plays it on his own.  Not sure where Samuel is right now...I think playing video games.  But...it is quiet...no one is fighting right this moment and it is beautiful.  Just to take a snapshot of this moment ....

Makes me think of this Kenny Chesney song that is one of my favorite..

Best start putting first things first."
Cause when your hour glass runs out of sand
You can't flip it over and start again
Take every breath God gives you for what it's worth...and

Don't Blink

Today is one of those days that I don't want to give up or take for granted...

Why I will write about Bub

Today I read on another blog post that The Atlantic posted that a staggering 85%  of women with a diagnosis of Down Syndrome abort their baby.  It makes my jaw drop actually.  But it has brought me to the reality that I must do something.  I want to think that most folks today look at my son and are amazed with how much he is like most other kids.  That they do not see his disability.  But there is the reality that people do look at him differently  and that somehow his life is not as valued as theirs.  So what's  a mom to do...

I am determined to do something I have long wanted to do...I am going to write.  At this time I don't know what I am going to write...but I know that I must write.  I need to get my story down for others.  I need to share the day to day life that God has given us.  I need to share what a blessing my son is.

A few months ago I found a blog that I love...www.theworksofgod.com.  

Reflections on the sovereignty of God over disability, disease and suffering, for God's glory and for our good

The entire website is phenomenal.  It is tied into the Desiring God website of John Piper (also a good one.) One blog post has been floating around in my head since I read it...

The title of the blog post was this..."God has given you a story for the good of others."

The blog post writer John Knight was in Chicago  for some Desiring God events.  There he met multiple people who had experienced different types of suffering, disability and pain.   He says he was " reminded that our unique stories give us unique opportunities to point people to God."

In all their stories there was a sense of joy in the midst of the suffering.

HE ends by saying..."And I was reminded of this simple truth: God is glorious and good to us in ways we cannot begin to comprehend.  Let us use our stories to point people to the source of hope and to encourage each other, for God’s glory and for our joy."

So you see I have a story to tell that could encourage.  I have a story that shows God's glory and our joy almost everyday!  That is why I want to tell my story.  And for those moms who ask "why me?"  I can say, " you areblessed that HE chose someone in your life to use for an avenue for His glory."  For those moms who say "I can not do this."  I can say, " exactly  the point...He needs you to depend on Him."  For those moms who say,"their life will be so hard."  I can remind them that this child will challenge them to learn to trust Him more than they ever had before.

I want to be able to tell them  I was where they are once.  I cried and asked God why did he give me a child that is broken.  I need to tell them I hated myself for even thinking that.  

They need to know I wrestled with God.  But my wrestling brought me to a place....a better place...one of acceptance of what HE gave me and now I am trying to plug along and enjoy this gift for what it is.  Somedays it is still hard...and I want to share it...sometimes I want to just throw in the towel....and other moms need to know that!   But most days I can look at my kid and see him for the special gift that He is...one that God created for His glory.  Perfect in every sense...

Most times our  life does not seem to be that important to anyone.  But I think it might be time to share my story so that His glory is revealed in my life.

Mother's Day Madness

Another Mothers day has come and gone. There is always quite a bit of emotion tied up in this holiday for me. Facebook was filled with pictures of mom and daughter pictures. Not that I am not happy for those people. More like jealous. No pictures of me and mom unless I find a picture from over twenty years ago. Okay after losing my mom most mothers days were rotten.

 So then I had kids and mothers day got better but not without some madness. I think there has always been pressure for me to have some sort of perfect mothers day. Trying to make up for the miserable mothers days in the past.

 This year we went out to eat on Saturday which at least took pressure off of Sunday. However then Sunday was met with kids who were grumpy and grouchy ...not really trying to make this day very special...since for them the "celebration" had already happened. They did however pull the mother's day card when trying to get out of going to Sunday school.

 So the day continued with mundane house cleaning ...which left me grumpy and grouchy and then a walk which could have been nice until we tried to take pictures...oh my. Could it have been more painful?

 I have to mention though how much Brian tried to make it special...a great dinner, a wonderful gift and flowers... And the constant reminder to all that it was my day.

 Now, as the pressure of the day has passed here is what I look back to see...
 A husband who works hard everyday to make me feel special...and especially on Mothers day.
One child who stopped playing outside to work really hard to finish the deck wash to get rid of pollen that was driving us all crazy.
 One girl who said at night she must tell me something that would make me cry....that she loved me "forever and a million times and that I was the best mommy she ever had."
A child who could say "happy mothers day" for the first time.
A child who woke up on Monday and gave me a hug instead of being grouchy for the first time ever...on a Monday morning.
A child who kisses me goodnight EVERY night.
A child who asks me multiple times a day..."will you play with me?"

 At the end of a mother's day...these things are the things I see and when you get down to it...what I see as the "ideal" mother's day is just something in my head. Sure I would LOVE to have my mom here to see them but there is so much God has given me I just need to step back and take notice and consider myself truly blessed! I was struck by this perfection that I wanted...this perfect day that didn't happen. A lot of things are not perfect in this life because we are not even near perfection but there is hope that God redeemed us and is sanctifying us and making us more like Him. We are not bound to the perfection of the law. Christ made it possible for us to draw near to God even despite the imperfections. No..we will never even be close to perfect and neither will our kids or our husbands or those around us or even our "special days". But praise God he is working in us every day.

 Hebrew 7:19...(for the law made nothing perfect), and a better hope is introduced, by which we draw near to God.

 By the way here are some pictures of my day...what is funny is that we were so frustrated with them for not wanting to take the pictures but a few of them aren't too bad...although as you can see Bubs was the least happy to stop the walk for a photo session.

ReMemories

ReMemories...that is what gracie says when she has something she has"given up" but still wants to keep. She says she will keep it for "rememories." I think that is a cross between remembering and memories. There are so many moments of life that fly by that i want to take more note. Things I want to keep etched in my mind for memories. I jot these things down from time to time because life can just pass you by so quickly...I mean Samuel is now as tall as my shoulder.

Other ReMemories are how Smokey taps my face with his paw when he wants me to keep petting him.

 Like how Bubs tells me " pretty mom" when he sees me get dressed up.

 Like how Gracie told me a secret that she really gets nervous before her dates with Daddy.

 How Gracie calls Samuel Sam and he doesn't mind

 How Samuel is looking so old now and like a big kid but yet he still likes to take the time to sit down and talk to me.

 How Gracie calls me "mom girl" and gets goose bumps when Samuel tells her she is pretty

How Gracie and Bubs know all the Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder parts of Tangled

How Samuel will throw Bubs as many balls as it takes for him to hit the baseball and then will "pretend" to miss so his brother can score

How Samuel says he will attempt to eat strawberries with Bubs since he will have to do that next at "eating school"

How Samuel will find me a blanket if I even look a little  bit cold


How Bub has to kiss me on the lips every night before he goes to bed and likes me to snuggle close while he falls asleep

How my husband works really hard all day and then comes home and takes the kid out to get them "out of my hair" for a minute

How he will watch a "chick flick" with me even if he rather watch something more manly

How he keeps his beard because I love it

The list could go on and on...it just reminds me how truly blessed I am and I forget to take notice some days.  Days like today really make me sit and think...thinking is a good thing.

Thank you Lord.

John 1:16

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁶ Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given.

So proud of my girl...

Today was Kindergarten registration for Gracie. What a huge day for both of us. Of course we have waited officially as long as we can...she is five and we have to go next year. She was so brave. Now mom not so much! Of course the second she went back with the teacher for her "test" I sat and cried. She is my sidekick...following me everywhere I go. Needing to know where I am every second...although it can really feel like I never get a break I know I will miss her little shadow! Last one to leave the little nest...last one to go through this...no more babies. It is a hard step but one I know I will be proud of. She did so well and such a big girl. I know she is ready is go. I just have to get ready for September...a new chapter for us both. After our hard day we headed to Dunkin Donuts for a donut. Love my girl...

Always cloudy on Good Friday

Amazes me but most times I can remember Good Friday is cloudy.  Interesting...since it was the day my savior took my sins to the cross, the day the Father turned his face from his son for the one and only time and the reason I  am totally broken before Him.  I am always so in awe of how very much He loves me and draws me in...with all my mistakes and baggage.  Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice.

Lyrics to Broken by Jeremy Riddle
To the cross, I look, and to the cross, I clingOf it's suffering, I do drink, of its work, I do singOn it, my Savior, both bruised and crushedShowed that God is love and God is just
At the cross, You beckon meYou draw me gently to my kneesAnd I am lost for words, so lost in loveI’m sweetly broken, wholly surrenderedYeah, yeah, oh Lord
What a priceless gift, undeserved lifeHave I been given through Christ crucifiedYou’ve called me out of deathYou’ve called me into lifeAnd I was under Your wrathNow, through the cross, I’m reconciled
Ooh, and at the cross, You beckon meYou draw me gently to my kneesAnd I am lost for words, so lost in loveI’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
At the cross, You beckon meYou draw me gently to my kneesAnd I am lost for words, so lost in loveI’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
And in awe of the cross, I must confessHow wondrous Your redeeming loveAnd how great is Your faithfulness
At the cross, You beckon meYou draw me gently to my kneesAnd I am lost for words, so lost in loveI’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
At the cross, You, You've beckoned meYou draw me gently to my kneesAnd I am lost for words, so lost in loveI’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
Yeah, yeah, I'm broken for youI'm broken for you, my Lord, yeahJesus, Your love is thereI am sweetly broken

Read more: JEREMY RIDDLE - SWEETLY BROKEN LYRICS