The lady in the row behind me...

There was a very special lady who always sat behind me at church. She was there most any Sunday she could make it after they found her brain tumor seventeen months ago. She was always quick to speak to my children and to me about our lives. Knowing that she had so much going on it made a difference that she even took the time for that. She was an awfully brave woman and I could see how interested she was in taking notes on everything that Pastor Harry would say. If I looked behind me most times (until the end) she had a pen making notes in her Bible. I hope they remember to save that Bible because I have my mom's Bible and it is precious to me. My mom was alot like this lady. She was brave as she endured cancear and until the end she was faithful to live her life to glorify God. I know that was this lady's goal for her life...to glorify God. This lady in the row behind me went home yesterday...it was an incredibly dreary day until I looked up and saw one beam of sun through the clouds. I am certain that was when she stepped foot into heaven and saw her Savior for the first time. I cried in the car thinking of how sweet that was for her. Gracie wanted to know why I was crying. "Heaven is a FUN place." she said. I suppose this lady is there with my mom having a lot of fun right now.

I was not one of the one of this lady's best friends...and she had ALOT! Although my family knew her well... we prayed for her every night. We took her cookies at Christmas and spent some time meeting her cats. I think about her family...I think about her daughters. I lost my mom early too...it is sad and unfortunate for us that we have to wait to one day see our loved ones again. I have comfort in the fact that my mom was prepared and ready to go home. I am sure that the lady in the row behind me was well ready too.

I hope one day if I have to endure the trials she experienced people will say the same of me.

A grateful Friday...

So I could of thought of better ways to spend this Good Friday...first day of Spring Break for the kids. I spent it in the outpatient surgery center with Bubs...having his eardrum repaired. The experience did draw tears in my eyes numerous times as my mom heart welled up with love for my precious son who really had no grasp of what was going on or what lie ahead. He HATES doctors...that is putting it mildly. I knew the trip inside the hospital alone would cause him to fear...it did...to the point that I held his body trembling in the waiting room. His heart beating ninety miles a minute. Then after they realized how fearful he was they pumped some "happy" drugs in his system. It made him feel better but he almost seemed drunk. That was a bit unsettling too. Watching him seem completely out of it right in front of me. The surgery went well. We are home now. We had some Chick fil a and watched three episodes of UmiZoomi. It is a day I never looked forward to and a day I will never forget but it is over and by God's grace all went well.

I told Brian on the way home I think my heart doesn't love Benjamin more but just differently than my other two. I think I have more compassion...more pain to see him confused over some things. I think my heart breaks a little more. Brian said he thinks that is why Benjamin is a constant reminder of God's love for us. His heart breaks with pain over our sin and has compassion for us knowing that we get confused and don't always see things clearly.

This Good Friday my heart is broken for my boy but for the love of my Savior poured out for me. Love that makes it possible for me to love my son and love that I will only know fully one day in Heaven. And so, on this Friday that feels not so good at all, I find myself thankful for a Father who loves me, who sent His son to pay for my sin...who was nailed to a tree for me... a God who forgives us,and a God who will help us to learn to love Him and each other more deeply.