what a day...

So today was supposed to be Bubs feeding clinic appointment. For those of you who do not know we will be doing feeding therapy with Bub to try to expand his diet and help with his anxiety with food. Today was the initial consult. I was all set to go. It took my gearing up to go since I knew Bubs would not look forward to this appt at all. The morning startedvwith traffic for fourty five minutes. Luckily we were still able to keep the appt after that. Next we missed the exit. As I am turning around to get back on the freeway a lady hits my van in the back. Bubs was not happy about this chaos. It was a bit stressful to say the least. We had to cancel the feeding appt and reschedulefor the summer. As I sat frustrated waiting for the police I wad grateful. Grateful that we were not hurt mostly but also grateful that Bubs eating is not as bad as some others. Some kuds have feeding tubes, and serious GI issues. When I think about it only eating Chick fil a is not such a bad problem to have. Thank you God for Chick fil a.

what bubs has taught me

Today is world Down Syndrome day. Maybe to most of the world it is an unrecognized day. To me it is life. Day in and day out...it is Bubs. It is celebrating this gift. Some days a special gift ...Of course this day comes during an extremely hard week. Not so sure what is happening with Bubs at school this week and not sure some days that I know exactly how to be the mother he needs. But I know he has taught me some things. Some lessons that would have otherwise been easy to ignore. Some lessons about God that I might not often see.

I have learned how to LOVE. As moms we all feel like our hearts get stretched larger with every baby we have. When I first laid eyes on Bubs I loved him...before the extra chromosome was found, before his birth was tainted by fears and insecurities. I loved him unconditionally. A week later we received his diagnosis...and although I detested the diagnosis...I loved the child. No different t is my Heavenly Father. He detests sin but thanks to Jesus He can love me unconditionally. HOW DEEP THE FATHER 'S LOVE FOR US.

I have learned to be patient. (Some days). I wish I could say that I was always patient. I try to continue to be patient even with STUBBORN days and when days are hard. I think how often my Father is patient with my stubborn nature and even when my heart is hardened by sin.

I have learned humility. It is humbling to admit your life is not always perfect. It is humbling to admit that your kid is not on a typical developmental level and it is humbling to have other kids ask why your kid STILL cannot talk. My kid keeps me humble..."May I never boast except in the cross of my Lord Jesus. " Gal. 6:14

I have learned kindness. I see it in Samuel. I see it in Bub's friends. A true and genuine kindness that is not based on what you get in return. They are kind to Bubs...honestly giving without really getting anything in return. Would I have seen that before Bubs and would they have learned it?

I am daily reminded of my need for a Savior. When I look at Bubs I am reminded how far we all are from perfect...one day our human bodies that are plagued with illness, pain, and imperfectness will be glorified and perfect but just as the world thinks my Bubs needs fixing ...we all are in need of a Savor to "fix"us...Bubs helps me to keep glory forever in my thoughts. He is my glimpse of heaven.

So this day... this World Down Syndrome Day is a celebration...a celebration of my son...a celebration of how much I have learned as his mom and how thankful I am that he has taught us all something that has eternal significance

e.

Happy Birthday Samuel

Honestly I cannot believe it has been eight years. Time is going so fast. I can remember like yesterday the moment that I realized that my baby was coming...whether we were ready or not. Terrified is an understatement...he was six weeks early. After our heartreak over Benjamin we were hoping for a "normal " birth experience. Once again it was not happening and I was questioning God in it all. Looking back I know God was taking good care of both Samuel and me. We were both safe and healthy.

Eight years later I joke that Samuel came early because he never likes to be late for anything. That is the kind of his personality. He is always wanting to do his best and do the "right"thing. I have been so thankful for what a helpful brother he is. He and Benjaim are the best of friends and he loves that kid. Did I tell you that they wanted to share a room again and recently got bunk beds? I have to admit it is really cute to see how much they enjoy each other.

I love how sensitive he is. He gets that from his dad. His dad is very loving and protective...so is my Samuel. He is always looking out for me and making sure I am happy.

He is my animal lover. Always begging for another pet and worried about the ones we have.

He is very smart and does very well at school. He is liked by a lot of kids and a very easy going kid. It was so cute recently at his birthday party when another kid remarked that they loved Samuel...he is awesome.


I am so proud of how he really wants to learn more about God.. He asks questions and is wanting to learn about the "hard"things. I thank God for softening his heart and giving him a desire to learn more about him.

He is my athlete. He plays most any sport. He loves to watch about any sport. He loves to watch ESPN. He got his Dad's genes when itcomes to that.

He is my loving, smart, sensitive boy. I am so thankful that God gave him to me. I am so proud to be his mom.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMUEL! I LOVE YOU.

Birthdays,buddies. and bullies

Today is my oldest boy's birthday... Ten years old. Hard to believe we are double digits now. I honestly don't know why God chose me to be his mom. He makes me laugh. He makes me cry and some days he makes me crazy but if he was any different i could not love him so. I am amazed at how hard he can work. I know school is hard for him but (most)days he works really hard and is learning so much. He is just like his father though...trying to get a laugh but not exactly sure when is the time to do that. So he will get in trouble at school some days...just like any kid. But just any kid doesn't stroke your hair and smile at you with the most honest smile, kiss you on the lips, and tell you he loves you...everyday...and sometimes more.



I feel blessed he is at Samuel's school this year. Not only is it convenient for me...he has made so many friends. He has been invited to two birthday parties this year. He and Samuel are having a joint party this year and a sleepover. I could have only imagined that would have happened looking ahead ten years ago. Today he went to his first playdate from school...riding a different bus with his buddy. That is amazing. His buddy is really really amazing too. His teacher told him once not to feel like he only had to play with Ben on the playground...he responded as if he was shocked that she would ask such a thing. He said...he is MY friend... I want to play with him.

It's great he has so many buddies. But this year we had to face the inevitable...a bully. It appears that on the playground a couple of kids had been picking on Benjamin by asking him ridiculous questions that they knew he could only answer yes. Apparently Bub's buddies found Samuel and they went to the teacher. It seems they stopped the bullying. Makes you want to cry to think that someone would try to trick him like that. But I know it will happen. I have to pray that God will protect him. By the way...their parents were told and I don't think it will happen again. BUT for now it is just dealing with the fact it happened so early... I guess kids can be mean anytime. But it was a life lesson for Samuel especially and really for all of us. It is going to happen. That is just the hard truth. How we respond is the real test.


So anyways...back to birthdays..today is my big boy's birthday and I have never been more proud, in love, and honored than I feel today. He truly amazes me everyday. Happy birthday Bubs!

I Cor 1:27... But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put shame to the wise and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty.

Mr. Incredible

Bubs has had quite the obsession with The Incredibles movie lately. It seems to have taken the place of the Spiderman obsession and the Toy Story obsession. When Bubs goes through his craze he watches the movie repeatedly and "pretends" he is that character. So right now in his mind he IS Mr. Incredible. It really is funny to see your almost ten year old dressed in his Mr.Incredible suit trying to jump off your sofas. Today he woke up and put the suit on over his pjs and was certain I would let him wear it to school. Sorry buddy. The only good news is that when he fights me on eating I can tell him it will make him strong like Mr.Incredible. Too bad it di dnot work with broccoli at dinner but by the way...it is seven oclock and he is watching The Incredibles...in his suit.

Now I must add that we do not let the obsessions rule his life...but it is just one of the many things that makes my Bubs unique and it makes me smile...

Hard lessons

We are all learning new things all the time. My kids learn new things all the time. Gracie recently learned to write her name with ALL the letters. Samuel has been learning to play on a basketball team for the first time. And Bubs is learning new things at school every day from how to read to finding all seven continents.

Sometimes I wish these simple lessons were all I had to learn. God sometimes uses really hard things to teach us lessons. Just recently a dear friend was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. I keep looking to find a lesson to be learned from it. Why else would a 35 year old father of three have to go through this?

Here's a few things I have been thinking...

Sometimes God allows hard lessons so that we can learn to depend on Him. If the troubles cause dependency on Him then it's worth thanking Him for.

Enduring trials can bring patience. Psalm 119:17 says, "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart."

When you praise God through the hard lessons it brings Him glory. He allows the hard lessons so He can be glorified through them.

God allows the hard lessons to happen because of the curse of sin. We can only take hope in the worst lessons that one day God will undo all of it. I can thank God that one day He will make it all different.

I guess sometimes we may never understand the reason for the hard lessons. But we can understand that God is sovereign and bigger than any of us. God loves us no matter the trial we are in...He sent His only son for us...if that' not love...what is???

Real faith isn't receiving from God what we want, it's accepting what He gives. Maybe we never will understand the "hard" lessons.

So...I can't rationalize why my friend has cancer...and I don't like it...it is what I think about in the morning and when I go to bed. I think about their heartache and it makes me hurt. I think about his wife and I want to cry thinking about how difficult all this is for her...and I am not near her to give her a hug and help with her kids. I think about her kids...wondering how they are going to understand all this. I think about my dear friend and I have cried out to God to heal him. But truly all that brings me comfort is that I do know that God is good and faithful and so we have to thank Him and praise Him anyway. Even with the "hard" lessons.

Merry Christmas!

I love this time of year...it brings all things fun and exciting. I found this poem...about sums it up!

For All Warm Things" by Marjorie Holmes

For all warm things of this season I thank you, Lord.

For the warmth of my kitchen as I turn on the oven and sift and measure and stir and bake.

For the snug warmth of the bedrooms where (finally, after much commotion) my children sleep.

For the warmth of this cup of steaming coffee in my hand as I settle down (exhausted, and at last) before the fire that dances so warm and festive on the grate.

And for warm clothes, Lord. These slippers, this robe - all the untidy closets bursting.

That car coat tossed across a chair.

And the car itself; a warm car to take us places (once we get it started).

And those warm places: the homes of neighbors, friends, a warm church to worship in.And the warm people there. The warm smiles and greetings. The generosity and kindness of people everywhere.

I am full of this warmth, Lord. It comforts me, it calms me. It makes me feel a glow almost as rosy as the embers in the fireplace.

I want all people to be warm and rested and at peace.Thank you for this blessed season of warmth in the midst of so much that is chill and stormy. Let it draw all of us together against the coming cold.

and to add

Thank you Lord for the birth of my Savior that night. He has given me life and all these wonderful blessings I do not deserve. Let me not forget... He is truly the reason for this season.