Eight years ago.

It's been eight years since Brian and I became parents for the first time. Wow...doesn't that seem like a long time. But...sometimes I can remember everything as if I was back in time. Benjamin came about three weeks ahead of schedule. I still blame it on the Mexican I had the night before. My labor was over 24 hours long. It was not that bad until the end (and thank goodness for the pain medicine!). I remember being in pain but at the same time being so incredibly excited. Brian and I had prayed over this little baby daily. Finally at 7:49 am Benjamin Mark Kaman entered this world. What a miracle. A little of me and A LOT of his dad. He looked just like Brian's baby pictures and had the dark eyes and hair to prove it! In the quietness of the day Brian wrote in his journal about how the Lord had provided this beautifully healthy and perfect son. He had come without any complications and was the answers to all the prayers.

Then...the doctors came to examine him. Would you believe they looked at my precious baby and then told me even though he was healthy he "looked" like he might have down syndrome? WHAT?

So I asked for testing. Then to confuse us even more, they said he didn't need it because he didn't have any clear markers. What did we know? We were first parents. Looking back I should have asked for the testing, but at the time I was just thankful they didn't think he was "imperfect."

We left the hospital with the orders to go to the doctor soon. Still...what did we know? For two days Brian and I lived a surreal life. We were in love, happy, and had an adorable baby boy. (Who by the way...hardly ever cried! What a mom's dream!)

That Friday we went for the follow up at our pediatrician. He looked him over quietly. Then...I felt the urge to ask about the "down syndrome look." As quick as I could get the words out...he was shaking his head. My heart sank, my legs buckled, and my eyes welled with tears! Did he just say he thought we should get a blood test? Thankfully Brian was there to pick me up from the floor and actually listen to what he was saying. The next week the test confirmed the diagnosis...it was indeed DOWN SYNDROME!

I don't think I have ever cried as much as I did those next few months. Not only was there post- partum...but I had to somehow get over the loss of expectations for this baby I didn't even know yet. I didn't want a baby that wasn't perfect. I was scared to go out in public for fear someone might could tell he was "different." Then there were tests, evaluations, therapies. It was almost too much to handle some days. Thank God for good friends and family who would listen and loved us through this rough time!

Okay...so that was the valley eight years ago. So...today my little baby is eight. Now that's a mountain and I am on top of it. A good friend told me once that every day that went by I would get to know Benjamin and not the down syndrome. Some days I wouldn't even think about the diagnosis. You know...she was right. Eight years later...there are days that I cry...reactions from others that hurt...and frustrations that make you almost loose your mind! BUT...most days...I forget the diagnosis and I see BUBS...just perfectly created. Created to bring glory to the God that made him with an extra chromosome!

Bedtime Conversations

I love putting my children to bed. Now...don't laugh. Don't get me wrong. I do love the uninterrupted quietness that bedtime brings. But...I do love spending that time with them in a quiet relaxing atmosphere. I love that time with all my children but I think my most favorite time right now is with my Samuel. He really has blossomed since going to Kindergarten this year. We are so thankful that God led us to make that decision. It has been an AWESOME year for him.

The thing I love about our bedtime conversations is he tells me exactly what goes on in his life during the day when I am not there. I am sure he leaves some of it out but for now I feel privileged to be able to share in his life.

If you know Samuel you know he has always been quiet and shy. Well...lately he has been on a quest to increase the number of friends he has at school. I think somewhere along the line he realized that some of the kids had more friends than he did. Also..I think his best buddy was out for a couple of days recently and he suddenly realized he needed to have some back up plans for that. AND...his other really good friend just moved. That loss brought him to tears (and almost mom too). Well..here is what he told me last night.


He told me that he does have his one best friend Will and you know he IS his best friend. But, he always wants to play the same games everyday when we go outside. His friend Aidan that just moved always played Star Wars and that was what he liked to play. Just once he wanted Will to let him play something different or with someone else. He said, " I mean...he is still my best friend. I can tell him that!" So...I told him how he could tell Will that he wanted to play something new...that he could still tell him to come along and play with the new friends. He sat very quietly and then began to whisper his conversation to Will. Almost exactly like I told him.
Then he paused...and asked "Is it going to be cold tomorrow? Is it going to rain?" I told him I did think it might be going to rain. Then he breathed really deep and said, " Well...I guess I won't have to tell him that tomorrow!" I got the biggest smile on my face. I just LOVE that kid!

Benjamin

Yesterday was a bittersweet day for a mom. I had to meet with Benjamin's school to determine eligibility for my sweet boy. For those who don't know, this just simply means that we have to determine that Benjamin is still eligible for the services he receives through our school system. In order to determine this they do ALOT of testing and then you decide a "label" for him that gives them a reason for his IEP (Individualized Educational Plan).

I HATE these meetings for alot of reasons but mainly I just hate testing. I was in education and clearly understand that a test doesn't always show exactly a child's abililty level. But...I understand they have to have a benchmark.

So Gracie and I reluctantly went to the meeting. I guess the best thing that came out of it was for the first time ever...I didn't cry at the meeting.

Really...what mom wants to hear that her kid just scored LOW on virtually every test they gave him. Worse than that, they give you this report that tells you all the things he couldn't do. Granted...they do give you his strengths but after you have been slapped in the face with his scores, who really feels like looking at that! So...we gave him a label. He now is an ID (intellectually disabled). One thing they all agreed on though...he is REALLY cute and REALLY sweet to work with. Also on the UP side is his Special ED teacher talked about how great he was doing in her class. She mentioned everything he's accomplished this year in Reading and Math and believe me it's an ACCOMPLISHMENT! He's reading a little and can count to 10. He knows all the alphabet letters and can answer reading comprehension questions. Writing is horrible for him..but won't we all be using computers soon. He's silly and funny and loves books. Overall she thinks I have a NEAT kid!

So, every so often I have these meeting and yes they are never fun. They make you realize just how different Benjamin really is from the "typical" world. BUT... as the mom of this kid I will never forget just how special this kid really is. He is one of the funniest, sweetest , most charming yet MOST stubborn kid you would ever meet. He does have one extra chromosome which really makes some things in life a lot harder...but thank GOD he gave me this kid because when he runs at me with a HUGE smile and wraps his little arms around me like he is never going to let go...I realize he isn't like your "typical" seven year but he's all mine. And despite the tests, the struggles and the tears...I would never in a million years trade his "extra" specialness for anything!

New Year's thoughts

I have never been one to make New Year's Resolutions. Quite frankly I learned early on that resolutions were only to be broken. Resolving to exercise more, eat more healthy, or spend money more wisely always tends to discourage me when in March I realize that the resolution has fallen by the wayside. So this year my resolutions have become just thoughts.

My thoughts recently have tried to be more "eternally" focused. I feel like I live my life in this little bubble of "christiandom" and rarely see or have a heart for those who are beyond this circle. As I think of the life of Christ I realize this isn't how he lived at all. The one who ate with the tax collectors and mingled with the prostitutes...doesn't he want more from us?? I know that I cannot subject my kids to danger but something happened this past Sunday that made me start to think...

Waiting at the light to enter a restaurant to eat our Sunday lunch, we had the opportunity to watch a homeless man beg for money. WOW...my kids had not to my knowledge ever been that close to poverty. Samuel had a multitude of questions (as he always does). He wanted to know what he wanted, what he planned to do with the money, why he couldn't just get a job, did he have a house. Thankfully he never asked why we didn't give him any money. But I asked myself and Brian that question and more. Why didn't we give him money? Were we scared how he would spend it? Were we scared to talk to him? Were we embarrassed? It made me think about this. We tell the kids all the time about the folks who don't have what they have. Now they see it and we pray for the light to turn green so we can drive away.

So...the thought for me this year is to really reach out of this "bubble" I live in. I want my kids to see others who don't have the things they have, to see those who hurt, to see those who need us, to see those who need Jesus...and then see their family as one that is willing to step out and try to reach, help, support, and encourage these folks. So I can only pray that these thoughts lasts longer than March...I pray it lasts our lifetime.



Matt 22:37-39 Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Christmas Fun

Wow...we have done so much it is impossible to catch everyone up on it.

First...we went to the Christmas tree farm to cut down our tree. We have done that every year since we have lived here and the kids do look forward to it. This year was no different. This year I think Samuel did a great job. He picked the tree (Squeaky wheel gets the most grease I suppose!)

We have also been to see Santa. You can tell by the pictures that Gracie wanted no part of that this year. We had figured that would be the case since she has been frightened by the cow at Chick fil a numerous times and by the Robin at Red Robin. Needless to say the boys did well. Samuel was on task as always telling Santa exactly what he wanted. Benjamin seemed a little reserved (from being on a stage...we think!) And after their turn was over he really wanted to run back for a hug. We are planning another Santa outing...just so the kid can get a hug! So the funniest thing about our trip to see Santa was Samuel's discovery! "Did you know that Santa had church clothes under his costume? He cannot be the REAL Santa! Unless they go to church at the North Pole? Do you think they do?" I told him I suppose they did. Santa would want to go worship God too! UGH...the questions that kid comes up with!

So here's some pictures. ENJOY!

Time for Thanks

Every year at Thanksgiving I have time to reflect on God's goodness to our family. My prayer for this year is that I would never forget these wonderful blessings as I am learning to trust my sovereign Savior to guide, protect, and hold my family with His loving hand.

This year was a huge lesson in trust for me. I had two MRI biopsies for breast cancer. Both times they were benign. Although I have no desire to go through this again God showed me that He is indeed in control of our life's circumstances. For His sovereign control of my life, I am thankful.

This year marked our THIRD year here in Richmond. Some of you know that I was never exactly EXCITED about this move. I have never lived out of the state of GA and surely never this far north. But God has blessed me with some wonderful friends that I feel are as close as family and a wonderful church family that has supported my family like no other church I have attended. For this exceptional body of Christ, I am thankful.

This year my Granny went home to be with her Lord. This was the first relative that I have lost as an adult. It was hard for me to be so far from my family while they struggled through the last months with her. It was hard for me not be beside her as she took her last breath. But for the wonderful lessons of Christ's faithfulness that she left with me and the Godly example she was to me, I am thankful.

This year as every year I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. I don't tell him often enough what a good man he is. I don't tell him often enough that I love him. But, he has been my rock and support and a wonderful example of God's love for me. For him I will always be thankful!

This year my children give me so many reasons to be thankful. First and foremost both the boys asked Jesus to come and live in their heart. What more do we have to really be thankful for. I can only pray that God continues to work in their lives to bring them closer to Him as they learn more about Him.




Benjamin never ceases to amaze me. His smile is enough to make me melt. When he hugs you tight it makes you want to hug even tighter. It's incredible to see God working in His life and I am thankful that God chose me to be His mom. This year I am so thankful that he has completely potty trained, spoken in two word sentences, and learned to completely dress himself down to his shoes and socks! He is learning to read and count in school and the teachers love him. I know there is so much more that he has learned this year and I can't even imagine how much more he will learn in the years to come. For God's special gift of Benjamin I am thankful.

Samuel is my protector, my knight in shining armor. He has grown up so much this year. He is such a great friend and brother to Benjamin and has become a protector of his baby sister. This year I am thankful that although I wasn't really ready to give him up to "big school" this year, God helped guide us to that decision. I am thankful that he has learning how to deal with his anxiety over new situations, making new friends, and learning how to be completely independent. I told him recently that he was learning how to do so many things now I hope I would still need me. He smiled and said "Mom...you still have to help me do SOME things!" After my first miscarriage I prayed for God to give us another child. For this wonderful answer to prayer who is more than I could have imagined, I am thankful.


Two years ago, my baby girl arrived. Although we didn't get pregnant trying to get "the girl," I was pleasantly surprised. I cannot believe how much fun she has been. She has always been VERY attached to me and that is VERY tiring but when I hear her little voice say "love you" when I leave her bedroom at night... I think that it is indeed worth it. The other day we had the best mom and daughter day at the mall. We tried on hats, scarves, jewelry, shoes...and then sat down together to share some chinese food. (Rice happens to be Gracie's favorite food!) Even though we only had a two year old conversation then, I don't think I will ever forget that day! I miss my own mom so badly and I regret that our time together was cut short. But I feel blessed to now have my Gracie...we have a lot to look forward to TOGETHER! For my beautiful baby girl, I am thankful.

Of course the list could go on and on and I won't bore those of you kind enough to read this. But...I do think it helps to have a written reminder of God's faithfulness...just in case we ever forget.

Happy Thanksgiving!

So...things here have been crazy lately. We have been really busy lately...the pictures above can prove it! Halloween came and went. We went to Knoxville for Homecoming and then visited the Dixie Caverns on the way home. This past weekend we visited Henricus, VA. They had replicas of the Powhatan Indian homes and tribes and also the American settlement there.

Also, our sweet little Benjamin has been sick on and off for three weeks. It's always concerning when your kids are sick and the drs don't really seem to have an answer. We are on some new medicine now in hopes it will kick whatever this is we have. He's still been trying to do some work at home. Today he told me he was going to do some writing. He wrote a lot and then read me what he wrote. He told me a lot of words from "ho ho" to "earrings" and every one's name. Cute thing was when he turned the paper over it was his name written about 25 times. Truth is, he really is learning a lot at school. He had three E's this past report card and one was in Math. All the others were S's. That's enough to make you cry! Here's the secret...I always knew he could do it!

My big boy Samuel is really doing well in school. You would not believe how much he LOVES school. He talks about it constantly. He is learning to read and really wants to read EVERYTHING. I was proud to get the chance to volunteer in his class the other day. He beamed the entire time I was there. It made me feel good that he was proud of me. He's really been helping Brian a lot. Such a little man. He helped rake and bag leaves the other day. He was out there working hard for a really long time. His other interest lately has been football. Much to his father's delight...he chooses to watch football. This Sunday he chose to watch part of the Cowboys/Redskins game by himself. Thankfully he was pulling for Dallas! :) He says he would be really good at football..."he can zig and zag and go really fast!" Maybe he will be heading to Orange Country one day!

Oh my little Gracie. She's basically potty trained now. Can you believe that? I have never been one to love potty training and wasn't really ready to start that all now. But...she really wanted to do it! She has had only a handful of accidents and really seems proud of herself. She still has no desire to wear "big girl pants" but is comfortable in her "diaper panties" (pull ups!) She now seems to love to watch "mooes." Problem is she loves to watch the same ones over and over. Right now it's Dora (the big sister one with the babies) and this Bible Songs DVD we have. I think Santa might have to bring some new "mooes" this Christmas. She's also learned to drink from a straw finally! I knew she could do it but she was scared of spilling water on herself. The first time she did it was quite a production. Every sip she took she would twirl in a circle and say "hooray Gracie!" That was cute but lasted for almost the entire first cup of water!

We cannot wait for the holidays and hope we get a chance to see everyone soon!