Merry Christmas!

I love this time of year...it brings all things fun and exciting. I found this poem...about sums it up!

For All Warm Things" by Marjorie Holmes

For all warm things of this season I thank you, Lord.

For the warmth of my kitchen as I turn on the oven and sift and measure and stir and bake.

For the snug warmth of the bedrooms where (finally, after much commotion) my children sleep.

For the warmth of this cup of steaming coffee in my hand as I settle down (exhausted, and at last) before the fire that dances so warm and festive on the grate.

And for warm clothes, Lord. These slippers, this robe - all the untidy closets bursting.

That car coat tossed across a chair.

And the car itself; a warm car to take us places (once we get it started).

And those warm places: the homes of neighbors, friends, a warm church to worship in.And the warm people there. The warm smiles and greetings. The generosity and kindness of people everywhere.

I am full of this warmth, Lord. It comforts me, it calms me. It makes me feel a glow almost as rosy as the embers in the fireplace.

I want all people to be warm and rested and at peace.Thank you for this blessed season of warmth in the midst of so much that is chill and stormy. Let it draw all of us together against the coming cold.

and to add

Thank you Lord for the birth of my Savior that night. He has given me life and all these wonderful blessings I do not deserve. Let me not forget... He is truly the reason for this season.

Visit with Santa

Well it seems that every year I post about the kids visit with Santa. It always is interesting to see just how they have grown from year to year and what it says about their little personalities. This year was no different.

It seems that Samuel now really does NOT believe in Santa. It's sort of a bittersweet thing. We decided in our house that we would never really PLAY up the story of Santa but wouldn't discourage the belief either. We "do" Santa but have never allowed it to take importance over the birth of our Savior. But...somehow it just was too hard not to let the kids enjoy that part of the "magic!" The one thing we did say is that if they ever asked us "IS SANTA REAL?" We would not lie. Well...a few months back, Samuel asked that very question and also added, "Tell me mom...yes or no!" Well you can't lie about that...

So..anyways Samuel was not as happy about the visit as the other two. Being the shy kid he is he didn't really think it was so necessary to stand in front of a large group of people and tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas. ( in a microphone) none the less. So he went but had asked if he could stay with us rather than take the picture this year. Unfortunately Mom and Dad won on that one. He had to go up there. Otherwise the other two would wonder what's up!

So...he went and did go tell Samuel what he wanted very very sheepishly. A Nintendo DS...think Santa might bring that this year. He has asked for that for two years now.

Gracie went next...she was really scared (and excited). Santa's snow princess was so exciting she just burst into tears when she asked her name. Then after the princess gave her a "snowflake for courage" she was a big girl. She walked right up to Santa and told him she wanted a BARBIE dress. I was very proud of her...she overcame her fear and took a beautiful picture.

Now Bubs has always loved Santa. He's never been afraid and honestly I wonder if he might not ever stop loving the man in the red suit. He always sits with him. His only concern was why we wanted him to get in Gracie's picture with the Snow Princess. He burst into tears and yelled "HO HO!" I guess he thought she was a subsitute. When he made it to Santa he was all smiles and proudly told him he wantedt the movie CARS 2. After a hug he was done.

I know the years of sitting with Santa are numbered. I don't really want to be that mom that makes my teenagers sit on his knee but it really is a part of childhood I will truly remember..

Glimpses of Heaven

Somedays are just bad days...I am not always the put together mom with a kid with a disability. Somedays there isn't enough patience. The other day was one of those days.

It had already been a long day. A pop up storm had caused me to stop what I was doing mid way through and throw Gracie in the car to head to school to get Bubs...knowing he wouldn't want to get on the bus in the rain. He didn't want to walk in the rain to the car but finally got there.

Came home and tried to get some homework done. Knowing he would be stressed with the rain outside I had closed the blinds and hoped he couldn't really hear the rain outside. Made him sit down when I could tell that he was stressed out beyond measure...realizing that at some point he had wet his pants went and helped him get changed. He can do this by himself but in the midst of a storm he refuses to go upstairs to get his clothes.

Finally we sat again to do the Math...same same thing we had been doing for days. All of sudden he couldn't remember how to do it...just don't know where it goes sometimes...as you can imagine after about three to four problems like this I was quickly losing patience. Looked right at him and said something I would never have thought I would say to him... "why is this so hard for you???"

Immediately I knew I had sinned in a way I never thought I would have. I broke his little heart in half I think. He looked at me....big crocodile tears streaming...my eyes welled up and then he held out those little stubby arms to hug me. Almost still brings me to tears to think of it...I hurt him and he wanted to love me even still. How does he do that??? How does he mirror the Heavenly Father in his unconditional love for us?? How many times do we do things that we wouldn't have thought we would have done to hurt our Father and he still holds out His arms to love us with an unconditional love.

It's those glimpses of Heaven I take for granted in my often crazy life...thank God for the reminder...

Blessed...

in so many ways. My Bible Study lately has been concentrating on contentment. Believe me I am not there yet. Not full contentment at least but I am trying to really focus on the blessings God gives us in this life. The study suggests to keep track of your blessings and attempt to not complain or gripe for one week. Can I do it? I guess it's worth a try by God's grace. Here's some things to be thankful for...

Benjamin's laugh
Samuel's sensitive spirit
Gracie's ability to make me smile
My husband...too much to say here
My wonderful friends...here and there...you are all wonderful to me. Even if we don't see each other much.
My church
My lovely home
My kids school
so much more to say here...I will write more later...

Letting go...

Been thinking about this kid who was lost for six days here in the woods in VA. He was autistic and he was found just yesterday. Fortunately he seemed to be in serious condition but going to be okay. I can't imagine exactly how that family felt this past week wondering if theywould find him. What a sweet moment to see his face again.

As a mom it makes me want to hold on to my kids even tighter. I know that I should physically
keep hold of them and keep them in my sight. They are little and this world is crazy and they depend on me to keep them safe.

But the truth is lately I have been thinking about letting go of them a little. I came to a realization recently when a friend reminded me that my children aren't mine. They were given to me to love, protect, train, and encourage but ultimately they are their Father's child. The one who created them. I struggle a lot with anxiety over trying to control the circumstances. I wrestle with my Father to have true control of them and other areas of my life. Recently I have been asking him to help me try to reliquish some of that control and understand that no matter how hard I try to change things or make things better for my kids...I cannot do it on my own.
To try to do that is going to bring me nothing but more anxiety. My Father has their best interst in mind at all times. He knows what they need. I need to daily remind myself to let go.
He's got in under control. Time for me to daily ask Him to remind me of that. One day maybe I might just get it.

Casting all your cares upon Him for he cares for you affectionately and watchfully. 1 Peter 5:8 (AMP)

Stepping Up

So most of you who know us know that every October we participate in an awareness walk for Down Syndrome. This year it wasn't the Buddy Walk...it was an event called Step UP for DOWN Syndrome. It was a fun family day of face painting, games, balloons, bounce house, pumpkins, and music. Every Down Syndrome Buddy was given a medal for participation. It is always a fun and inspiring event that we all look forward to.

So as I look back over NINE years of Buddy Walks it's amazing to see how far I have come. That's right...how far I have come. Learning to deal with a disability takes time. It's something that slaps you in the face some days and makes you crumble with humility other days. I sometimes remember the anger, sadness, and hopelessness I felt nine years ago. It seems like so long ago. God has taught me a lot along the way. I think I have learned to be humble. It's humbling to compare your nine year old with other nine year olds. They are heads taller and talk in complete sentences. I doubt most have potty accidents. But, I think I have learned to view life differently. What a precious gift that God has given us. Each one of us special and unique and deserving of love and affection. The Father chose to give us Benjamin exactly as is and I am learning to accept that and quite honestly can say wouldn't want to change him.

I am learning to be patient. It's taking a while and some days I still am not there. Dentist appointments, blood draws, irrational fears, and picky eating can try a mom's patience some days. But God has given me more than I could ask for and I am learning it is true that his grace is sufficient for me!

I am learning about unconditional love. I think Benjamin has to be the most loving child I know. My other children have never hugged and kissed me as much. They don't stroke my face and my hair and tell me they love me out of the blue on days when I truly need it. He rarely is sad, mad, or angry at anyone.

I am learning about God's glory. I see glimpses in Benjamin. He has touched lives of numerous people along the way. I can't tell you how many people tell me about how they think about Benjamin and feel like their life has been changed. God's glory is evident in all my children but somehow much more obvious in Bubs.

I never would have imagined this would be my life ten years ago when I was pregnant. There have been things I have done, said, and thought that I wouldn't have ever thought would be my life. There have been moments that I wouldn't have known would be so hard.

But...there have been people I have met I otherwise would not have without Bubs. There are moments that bring me more joy than I would have never imagined. When I hear Bubs contagious laugh or hear him say "mom...watch this..." or see him riding the bus with his brother I think my heart my explode. And there are so many things God has taught me along the way...and I could never repay Bubs for that.

I love that kid!

Life these days...

is really really busy. I hardly have time to sit down and think. It's not the same chaos as when the kids were tiny. Just the day to day...homework, soccer, ballet, in home preschool...Always seems like something to do and somewhere to be.

It's good to take a minute to sit back and watch my kids. They have grown so much.

Bubs is talking so much more now. He's made friends at school. He has been invited to his first SCHOOL birthday party. That is huge!! He is reading...writing...playing sports and watching sports. He's as funny as always...always being silly like his dad! It's amazing.

Samuel is the sweetest kid. He is thoughtful, caring, genuine and loving. He thinks about others (and the pets!) He is smart and ALL boy. He would much rather shoot baskets and play football than read and do his homework. There is always a negotiation when he gets home as to when he will get the homework done. He is not a little boy any more. He comes up to my chest. He eats all the time. He's made a mom really proud.

Gracie is the princess. She can sing and recite passages of Tangled but still cannot recognize all her numbers and letters. She is always singing and smiling. She is stubborn and dramatic (just like her mom). She only loves pink and purple. She still has her own language and we are all just smitten with her.

Everyday that passes I think about the times when they were babies...holding them, rocking them to sleep, holding their hands when they learned to walk, feeding them, and watching them grow up makes me sad sometimes....but only more amazed that I get to be their mom. They are special kids.