It's been a while...

Wow! I can't believe it's been so long since the last post. Some of you might be wondering what we have been up to this past month. Our Christmas and New Year's was relatively quiet...except for the fact that everyone in the house besides me came down with the stomach flu at some point over a four week span. It was a bit crazy. I honestly think it would have been better to have gotten it all over in one week's time but the fact that it was dragging on and on was tiring! But...it's water under the bridge now...isn't that what they say???

Oh and we got a new kitten. He is really cute. His name is Smokey (for TN and for his gray color). All the kids really love him. He loves to play and is very loving. Bailey isn't really too sure about him. She's 13 now and really not wanting to befriend any new kitten but I keep hoping she will come around...or at least not attack the poor kitty.

So you can see things here have been pretty uneventful. I have been trying to organize and declutter this house after Christmas. It's amazing the stuff you can accumulate after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids.

I am looking forward to 2011. I am always amazed to look back at the year and see all the blessings God has given us. Every time I look at my children and see how they are growing and maturing and becoming little "people" I get a glimpse of His goodness. My husband is a constant reminder of my Heavenly Father's unconditional love. My friends are reminders of the sweetness of the body of Christ. God showers us with so many blessings but I am often so ungrateful. I am surrounded by God's gifts and they are great. My hope for this next year is that I will be faithful to appreciate that these blessings are amazing miracles from God.

Great are the works of the Lord;they are pondered by all who delight in them. Psalm 111:2

A visit with Santa Claus

Well...every year the Kaman family has their annual visit with Santa Claus. I really think we only have one more year doing this with the middle kid. He's about figured it out. He is entirely too logical to understand how this thing makes any sense...here's his questions..."how could someone really fit down our chimney? how can one man deliver all those presents? what is an elf anyways??" Well... Brian and I have always said we would not lie to our kids about this whole Santa thing...but Gracie and Bubs are still firm believers and I hate to spoil this for them...so I just run when Samuel starts in on his quest for the truth. Let's just get through one more year, please.

I know some folks really have a problem with the whole Santa thing but we find really no harm in it. And...I don't have a problem with folks that don't really get into the Santa thing. If you ask my kids they will tell you the REAL meaning behind Christmas. They understand why Jesus' birth is so important to us. We make sure to spend more time on the Nativity and we do have a very special Nativity play we attend every year and our kids REALLY look forward to it. This year it was quite special...it snowed on us while we were singing our Christmas carols that night...God made that extra special for us I think. Oh, and...the whole Naughty/Nice thing isn't a focus for us...only God sees our hearts and knows if we are naughty or nice...but here's the thing I DO love about our yearly visit with St. Nick...my child's own personality comes out when we go.

So this year is no different for my kids. Bubs was absolutely EXCITED! You would have thought he was about to be given a plate piled high with Chick fil a nuggets and fries. He was quick to climb right into Santa's lap and give him a hug, he quickly told him what he wanted for Christmas...just the TOY STORY 3 movie. As always, this kid never has a long list. Usually just one thing he REALLY wants. And...quite frankly he would be content to just get that movie. You know he'll get many other things. BUT...that movie will be his most favorite gift...you mark my words. That's why I love that kid! :)

Well Samuel! HEE HEE HEE. That kid cracks me up... he brought his list. He was so scared he might forget the three things he wanted to ask for...Legos, a Spy kit, and a science kit. He wanted me to hold on to the list while he saw Santa. Poor kid...his nerves did get the best of him for a minute. He stood silent and stared at the man in the red suit for a minute and then ...he remembered and proudly smiled at me when he finished. Gotta say...I love that kid too!

And then Gracie...Santa couldn't resist that sweet thing..who really can??? So, I told him she would most likely be too scared to sit with him, I mean the last three years of her life she has screamed BLOODY MURDER when she saw him. She had already told us she would NOT sit with him. So she held Bubs hand at first. He asked her what she wanted and then all that came out was "Barbie." She really wanted a Barbie Make Up Vanity. But she couldn't get it out...
Now, we had an AWESOME Santa. He quietly put his arm around her, talked to her really softly and picked her up as gently as he could and sat her on his lap. Can you believe she didn't cry but smiled so proudly at me and Brian. Santa said, "See Mom, she's not scared anymore." Well...so I love that kid too and my eyes started to well up with tears. You know that's not really what got me...it was thinking...she has just grown up on me. She's not a baby anymore. That really made me feel like crying!

But I must say that seeing those three kids smiling at me and running to give me a big hug when they came off that stage was enough to make me feel like the most blessed woman in the world. So...I look forward to this Santa visit every year...not because I just love Santa that much...but because I love those three kids and just when I think my heart cannot love anymore it just fills up again some how... So Santa makes me remember that my loving God chose me to be their mom and for that I will be forever grateful!

Realities...

are a part of life. I think that facing realities are not of our own control. Well...you know I know that my life is not in my control. It's by God's gracious hand that my life has been shaped...but you know I think when we face a true reality in our worldly life it is through the Holy Spirit's conversations with us. You know I know we face some realties of our life that aren't life changing...like the reality that I am not a runner...I have tried to be a runner but the honest truth is that although I don't mind exercising I really don't have an interest in running. Another reality that is not that earth shaking that I have learned in my life is that I am a picky eater. I try to blame my pickiness on lots of things...but the reality is I am JUST PLAIN PICKY...and I think somehow I like being picky.

SO...enough about these trivial realities. My thoughts are more serious than that! Lately my reality is about Benjamin. Here's the reality. He's eight. He has Down Syndrome. He was created differently. AND...what am I doing to help to foster his differences. He is mainstreamed in a typical classroom at school and church. He plays with typical friends. We treat him just like our other two children. I have always been proud of that about our family. BUT...I think it's time we celebrate the differences that God gave him. I will say that all the differences are not worth celebrating some days. Some days it just plain stinks. But...heres' the thing...he needs to find some friends he can relate to, he needs to find his place, and I need to help him to do that. I need to be more involved with the disability community. I haven't done that much because I think it is hard to be a part of a group when Christ is not your focus. So the final conclusion is that the body of Christ must be more involved in the disability community.

I know I have been feeling God's call to reach out in our community to those who are disabled in some way and to their families. Some families may be hurting...some families may be longing for a friendship from someone who can relate to them...some may be looking for Christ. I truly believe I was given this path for a reason. God didn't put Benjamin here by accident. It's time to face that reality. What does He want me to do now? I am praying for that very thing right now...more to come.

New fav artist

We love country music in our house. Being from Texas and Georgia who couldn't really love it...

One of my new favorite country artists is Miranda Lambert...here's one I really like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCZg7EUlHFw

It is so different...

raising a girl. I know it sounds stereotypical and I know there are variations of the norm...but it is so different in this house. Brian and I just said last night we can't imagine just how different our family would be if we didn't have that little girl. I get more hugs...I love you's...I want to marry you (she knows she cannot marry me but somehow continues to ask if she can)...I want to be a mommy like you...the list goes on.

She tells her brothers she loves them..and she tells them she is mad at them, thinks they are not fair, wishes they would leave...that list goes on too. But..so different from my boys who don't really have a great grasp on their feelings all the time.

She's a bundle of girl energy...now that comes along with some female "fickleness" so Brian says. She is quite sensitive, emotional, and horribly DRAMATIC. But just so funny.

Gracie and I had the chance to spend some girl time this weekend. Brian took the boys on a Cub Scout camp out. We dressed up and went to her pick of restaurant ( Panera), went shopping and looking at girl toys and clothes. Then came home and watched a Strawberry Shortcake movie. I told Brian I am really looking forward to really enjoying her. I didn't get to really have a friendship with mom. She was sick for three years before I lost her at 15. I can't wait to be there for Gracie.

I feel blessed to be able to be her mom...

gracie the performer

My little girl is quite the performer. Most of you wouldn't know that because she only performs in quiet or with her family. When she does it is quite funny...She is the author of her songs. Know where she gets that? Me...when I was younger I wrote many songs...most of which revolved around my anger over something I felt was not going my way. I did have a knack for repeating key words or phrases until I would forget the rest of the song. Gracie does the same thing...except her songs are generally happy. This one is about her "digida" or princess wand she got at the fall festival.

Relentless

That's the word to describe living with a disability. I have been reading this book called Same Lake Different Boat by Stephanie Hubach. Here's how she describes relentlessness. "...an extremely unpleasant, repetitive process that, almost upon completion, is entirely undone only to be repeated perpetually. At time relentless difficulties are something we can laugh about when the intensity has ebbed. Often, though there is nothing funny about them..." I know every family with or without a disability encounters relentless behaviors but according to Hubach..." families affected by diability will find it to be more so..."


It has given me quite a bit to think about. To be honest, I don't ALWAYS think of Bubs disability. It doesn't plague my mind day in and day out as it once did when he was a baby. I see what a beautiful child he has become and I often forget that there are difficulties and struggles we face simply because of the extra chromosome. Most days he blends in with the rest of the chaos of our lives and he doesn't stick out. He is just Bubs to me...most days!


Yesterday I had one of those days when RELENTLESS is the only word to describe the difficulties.

I allowed Bubs to stay home from school to get over his sinus infection. We needed to get out and headed to Target. It was turning out to be a fun outing until we stopped to look at the PJ's. Bubs and Gracie absolutely LOVE new pj's. I suppose the excitement combined with being in the cart way to long made them very silly. They started to hide from me under the clothes rack. That's something most all kids love! I could tell it was starting to get out of hand and I asked them to get back into the cart so we could go before someone had to ask us to leave! Gracie quickly obeyed but Bubs found this all a fun game. He threw down the Pj's I had asked him to put away and ran under a rack of clothes farther from me. I could tell this was not going to be easy to get him back to the cart. Oh...did I mention I had lost my voice from a sinus infection I had just had and could not pull out the BIG voice that he usually understands means business. Well...before I knew it, he had run laughing from the children's dept into the baby aisles and as quickly as I could get there he was gone. I couldn't see him anywhere. Panic hit me and tears were flowing. I grabbed Gracie and found an associate to help me. She called a CODE YELLOW for a little boy in a Spiderman shirt. They asked me how old he was. When I told them he was eight I had to explain that he had Down Syndrome so he really looked like a five year old! Several customers rallied around to help look under the racks. Within seconds but what seemed like minutes they had found him in the MEN'S department... hiding in the racks and still laughing. His laughing turned to fear when he saw my face and my tears. I couldn't help but hold him but I was so frustrated on the inside. How could he have seen no danger in what he just did? We have punished him for running away so many times...but I still feel like it's going to take until eternity for that kid to get it...

So...I come home hoping to recover from the ordeal from earlier. Bubs decides to color. He loves to color in new coloring books. That sounds pretty tame right? Well...something possesses him today to draw with the crayons on the carpet. What in the world?? I have told him not to do that so many times before and I thought surely he understood that. So...my peaceful afternoon is spent trying to remove the crayon stains from the carpet. It isn't easy at all!

So there seems to be no end to this day...but wait there is more. Now this next disaster isn't exactly Bubs fault but he was the cause. So Samuel's latest gameis bouncing tennis balls on the roof of the garage and then counting how quickly he can catch them. Well...Bubs enjoys the same game except never really manages to get the ball on the roof. Yesterday was no different. Bubs was using a very soft training baseball. If you don't know what these are...they are very light and pretty safe...so I thought. After a few throws to the garage door I hear a shattering sound of glass. I turn around to see glass lying all over the ground and a huge hole in the garage door window. Bubs is speechless along with the other two...both waiting to see my reaction. Fortunately I was on the phone and couldn't really exclaim the words that came to my head. I sent the kids inside. Shaking my head I picked up the glass and swept the ground. How could this kid get in this much trouble today...why is life so different? Knowing that it wasn't his fault I went inside and let him know I wasn't mad at him but at the situation and that it really could not have been his fault. But seriously???

I will go back to what I have been reading. Hubach reminds us that our lives should not be about the disability and how we can overcome it, bring pity to ourselves, or ignore it. Our lives should be God focused. As long as we can keep Him in the focus then our relentless struggles will pale and we can take heart.

Here's a verse I have found some comfort in day to day...

Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith. Hebrews 12:1-2a

I need to daily ask God to evaluate my heart and to help put some perpespective on these relentless areas of my life. Many of us did not ask for the race they are running...disability, illness, death, financial problems... But we must run with perseverance and only with His help. It's the only solution!