Little singer...

Gracie has become quite a singer recently. She sings in the car, in the bath, in her bed, while she plays. She makes up her songs and sings others over and over. Here are a few. ENJOY!

Samuel

Six years ago was one of the most exciting yet frightening days of my life. It's the day that I gave birth to my sweet Samuel. He came six weeks ahead of schedule. After two previous trips to the hospital for the doctors to stop my labor, they finally decided that it was best to let God intervene and bring Samuel into the world slightly early. Obviously he had already prepared for this to happen. Samuel weighed a whopping 5 pounds/13 ounces. That's a big baby to come that early! He was perfect except for being premature and had to spend the first 11 days of his life in the NICU. Although I knew that he would most likely be fine...those were some hard days. I had to leave a baby at the hospital and come home to an empty nursery. I had to somehow balance my time between a two year old who really wanted his mama to a baby at the hospital who needed me in different ways. So...the juggle to meet two children's needs began!

Samuel was indeed an answer to my prayers. (That's how he got his name...I Samuel 1:27..."For this child I have prayed...") After Benjamin we became pregnant in December before Benjamin's first birthday. I miscarried that baby at 10 weeks! We were so devastated by this we were ready to get pregnant immediately. We had Samuel 12 days after Benjamin's 2nd birthday. That made them really close and for most of their first 3 years of life almost like twins. But...Samuel was the best thing that ever could have to us...and Benjamin. Benjamin has always tried to be just like Samuel. (and although he wouldn't admit it now..he tried like crazy to be just like Benjamin!) If I had a dollar for everytime I was asked if they were twins I would be one rich lady.

Now, Samuel is amazing. Don't get me wrong...we absolutely adore Benjamin and anyone who knows us will tell you that! But...I think it's incredible to have a typical son! Samuel just amazes me with just how quickly he picks things up. He is so smart and intuitive. He ALWAYS knows what I am thinking! His sweet heart is easily broken and he NEVERS wants to see anyone cry or get hurt. I think it makes him feel like crying.

He's always been shy. He doesn't really like new situations and you REALLY have to talk about it for a long time before he feels comfortable. BUT...he has surprised us lately. He's been really concerned with making new friends and going on playdates. He would rather eat lunch with his friends at school than with his mom...and really would prefer I not kiss him in public! :)

He's becoming quite the "gamer" lately. We joke that one day he's going to create his own video game. (I wouldn't be surprised, actually!) He loves his Wii he got for Christmas and has mastered levels on most of the games by himself. I sure don't know how all those games work.

He loves sports. Right now...football. His dad is so excited that Samuel is really learning the game. At least there will always be one that will watch the games with Dad!

Everyday I look at Samuel and think he's gotten bigger and looks just a little bit older. Part of me yearns to get that baby back. (Although he was NOT an easy baby by any stretch of the imagination! :) ) The other part is so thankful that I have every moment to get to know him and to be a part of his life. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for his life. He's an incredible kid...and I am lucky he's mine!

SNOW SNOW AND MORE SNOW!

Over the past few weeks this southern family has seen more snow than any of us have ever seen before. It's crazy! In the past two weeks we have had 17+ inches total. The kids have been out of school for 5 days and counting and the snow "gear" that has multiplied in my dining room is driving me insane! It's amazing what you need to "play" in the snow. How long it takes to put on this "gear" to have fun in the snow is almost as amazing. Helping three kids put on snow wear to stay dry and warm while playing in a foot of snow requires a level of patience. Needless to say it has been fun for some of us. Samuel and Brian LOVE it. The have definately had there fill of sledding and snowboarding. Benjamin isn't as fond of the cold or the snow but has recently required a liking of the snow slide that Brian made in the side yard. Gracie still hasn't seen a reason to go outside but will go out and walk on the driveway as long as Brian has it shoveled and clean for her!

Here are some pictures and a video of the most recent snow!

Eight years ago.

It's been eight years since Brian and I became parents for the first time. Wow...doesn't that seem like a long time. But...sometimes I can remember everything as if I was back in time. Benjamin came about three weeks ahead of schedule. I still blame it on the Mexican I had the night before. My labor was over 24 hours long. It was not that bad until the end (and thank goodness for the pain medicine!). I remember being in pain but at the same time being so incredibly excited. Brian and I had prayed over this little baby daily. Finally at 7:49 am Benjamin Mark Kaman entered this world. What a miracle. A little of me and A LOT of his dad. He looked just like Brian's baby pictures and had the dark eyes and hair to prove it! In the quietness of the day Brian wrote in his journal about how the Lord had provided this beautifully healthy and perfect son. He had come without any complications and was the answers to all the prayers.

Then...the doctors came to examine him. Would you believe they looked at my precious baby and then told me even though he was healthy he "looked" like he might have down syndrome? WHAT?

So I asked for testing. Then to confuse us even more, they said he didn't need it because he didn't have any clear markers. What did we know? We were first parents. Looking back I should have asked for the testing, but at the time I was just thankful they didn't think he was "imperfect."

We left the hospital with the orders to go to the doctor soon. Still...what did we know? For two days Brian and I lived a surreal life. We were in love, happy, and had an adorable baby boy. (Who by the way...hardly ever cried! What a mom's dream!)

That Friday we went for the follow up at our pediatrician. He looked him over quietly. Then...I felt the urge to ask about the "down syndrome look." As quick as I could get the words out...he was shaking his head. My heart sank, my legs buckled, and my eyes welled with tears! Did he just say he thought we should get a blood test? Thankfully Brian was there to pick me up from the floor and actually listen to what he was saying. The next week the test confirmed the diagnosis...it was indeed DOWN SYNDROME!

I don't think I have ever cried as much as I did those next few months. Not only was there post- partum...but I had to somehow get over the loss of expectations for this baby I didn't even know yet. I didn't want a baby that wasn't perfect. I was scared to go out in public for fear someone might could tell he was "different." Then there were tests, evaluations, therapies. It was almost too much to handle some days. Thank God for good friends and family who would listen and loved us through this rough time!

Okay...so that was the valley eight years ago. So...today my little baby is eight. Now that's a mountain and I am on top of it. A good friend told me once that every day that went by I would get to know Benjamin and not the down syndrome. Some days I wouldn't even think about the diagnosis. You know...she was right. Eight years later...there are days that I cry...reactions from others that hurt...and frustrations that make you almost loose your mind! BUT...most days...I forget the diagnosis and I see BUBS...just perfectly created. Created to bring glory to the God that made him with an extra chromosome!

Bedtime Conversations

I love putting my children to bed. Now...don't laugh. Don't get me wrong. I do love the uninterrupted quietness that bedtime brings. But...I do love spending that time with them in a quiet relaxing atmosphere. I love that time with all my children but I think my most favorite time right now is with my Samuel. He really has blossomed since going to Kindergarten this year. We are so thankful that God led us to make that decision. It has been an AWESOME year for him.

The thing I love about our bedtime conversations is he tells me exactly what goes on in his life during the day when I am not there. I am sure he leaves some of it out but for now I feel privileged to be able to share in his life.

If you know Samuel you know he has always been quiet and shy. Well...lately he has been on a quest to increase the number of friends he has at school. I think somewhere along the line he realized that some of the kids had more friends than he did. Also..I think his best buddy was out for a couple of days recently and he suddenly realized he needed to have some back up plans for that. AND...his other really good friend just moved. That loss brought him to tears (and almost mom too). Well..here is what he told me last night.


He told me that he does have his one best friend Will and you know he IS his best friend. But, he always wants to play the same games everyday when we go outside. His friend Aidan that just moved always played Star Wars and that was what he liked to play. Just once he wanted Will to let him play something different or with someone else. He said, " I mean...he is still my best friend. I can tell him that!" So...I told him how he could tell Will that he wanted to play something new...that he could still tell him to come along and play with the new friends. He sat very quietly and then began to whisper his conversation to Will. Almost exactly like I told him.
Then he paused...and asked "Is it going to be cold tomorrow? Is it going to rain?" I told him I did think it might be going to rain. Then he breathed really deep and said, " Well...I guess I won't have to tell him that tomorrow!" I got the biggest smile on my face. I just LOVE that kid!

Benjamin

Yesterday was a bittersweet day for a mom. I had to meet with Benjamin's school to determine eligibility for my sweet boy. For those who don't know, this just simply means that we have to determine that Benjamin is still eligible for the services he receives through our school system. In order to determine this they do ALOT of testing and then you decide a "label" for him that gives them a reason for his IEP (Individualized Educational Plan).

I HATE these meetings for alot of reasons but mainly I just hate testing. I was in education and clearly understand that a test doesn't always show exactly a child's abililty level. But...I understand they have to have a benchmark.

So Gracie and I reluctantly went to the meeting. I guess the best thing that came out of it was for the first time ever...I didn't cry at the meeting.

Really...what mom wants to hear that her kid just scored LOW on virtually every test they gave him. Worse than that, they give you this report that tells you all the things he couldn't do. Granted...they do give you his strengths but after you have been slapped in the face with his scores, who really feels like looking at that! So...we gave him a label. He now is an ID (intellectually disabled). One thing they all agreed on though...he is REALLY cute and REALLY sweet to work with. Also on the UP side is his Special ED teacher talked about how great he was doing in her class. She mentioned everything he's accomplished this year in Reading and Math and believe me it's an ACCOMPLISHMENT! He's reading a little and can count to 10. He knows all the alphabet letters and can answer reading comprehension questions. Writing is horrible for him..but won't we all be using computers soon. He's silly and funny and loves books. Overall she thinks I have a NEAT kid!

So, every so often I have these meeting and yes they are never fun. They make you realize just how different Benjamin really is from the "typical" world. BUT... as the mom of this kid I will never forget just how special this kid really is. He is one of the funniest, sweetest , most charming yet MOST stubborn kid you would ever meet. He does have one extra chromosome which really makes some things in life a lot harder...but thank GOD he gave me this kid because when he runs at me with a HUGE smile and wraps his little arms around me like he is never going to let go...I realize he isn't like your "typical" seven year but he's all mine. And despite the tests, the struggles and the tears...I would never in a million years trade his "extra" specialness for anything!

New Year's thoughts

I have never been one to make New Year's Resolutions. Quite frankly I learned early on that resolutions were only to be broken. Resolving to exercise more, eat more healthy, or spend money more wisely always tends to discourage me when in March I realize that the resolution has fallen by the wayside. So this year my resolutions have become just thoughts.

My thoughts recently have tried to be more "eternally" focused. I feel like I live my life in this little bubble of "christiandom" and rarely see or have a heart for those who are beyond this circle. As I think of the life of Christ I realize this isn't how he lived at all. The one who ate with the tax collectors and mingled with the prostitutes...doesn't he want more from us?? I know that I cannot subject my kids to danger but something happened this past Sunday that made me start to think...

Waiting at the light to enter a restaurant to eat our Sunday lunch, we had the opportunity to watch a homeless man beg for money. WOW...my kids had not to my knowledge ever been that close to poverty. Samuel had a multitude of questions (as he always does). He wanted to know what he wanted, what he planned to do with the money, why he couldn't just get a job, did he have a house. Thankfully he never asked why we didn't give him any money. But I asked myself and Brian that question and more. Why didn't we give him money? Were we scared how he would spend it? Were we scared to talk to him? Were we embarrassed? It made me think about this. We tell the kids all the time about the folks who don't have what they have. Now they see it and we pray for the light to turn green so we can drive away.

So...the thought for me this year is to really reach out of this "bubble" I live in. I want my kids to see others who don't have the things they have, to see those who hurt, to see those who need us, to see those who need Jesus...and then see their family as one that is willing to step out and try to reach, help, support, and encourage these folks. So I can only pray that these thoughts lasts longer than March...I pray it lasts our lifetime.



Matt 22:37-39 Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'